The long Way home with a questioning Child

"I was driving and there was a kid in the back seat. I don't know how old. Old enough to talk. I could see her in the mirror, just the top of her head, dark hair. "Mom, where are we going?" I said I didn't know. "Mom, what's your favorite color?" Blue. "Mom, why is that car red?" Because someone painted it. She thought about that for a second, then accepted it. "Mom, I want an ice cream." I said okay. Just like that. No negotiating. We pulled in somewhere and she got it all over her hands and I was wiping them with napkins and she was laughing at something I didn't say. I remember her laugh more than her face. "Mom, are you tired?" A little. "Mom, can we take the long way?" Yeah. Yeah, we can. Then she was asleep in the back and I was driving, taking the long way home on purpose, and nobody was waiting up for us. I woke up and lay there in the quiet. My chest hurt. Not sad hurt. Just... full. Went and got coffee. Sat with it. Didn't tell anyone. Can't really explain it."